I became a mother right on the heels of graduating college. On the day of commencement, I sat with my friends on the hot rubber of an outdoor field (six months pregnant) and I waited. I waited for one season to end and another to begin. The gentle kicks I felt during the ceremony were like steady little reminders that my life was about to change in a big way. And I couldn’t wait.
I channeled my excitement into learning everything I could about birth and motherhood. I read books, blogs, articles and whatever else I could find. If nothing else, at least I would be prepared. But the thing is, not one of those things prepared me for what I would struggle with the most, loneliness. We lived in a small apartment far away from family and most of our friends. Also, we shared one car, which my husband usually took to get to school. As wonderful and exciting as motherhood was, for me it was also quiet and at times, isolating. I had a fierce desire to connect with other moms and to find sisters whom I could walk alongside with. Loneliness was the last thing I expected to encounter as a new mother. Who would? Because as a mother, you’re never truly alone, but you can still feel lonely.
I should have prayed sooner. I should have done a lot of things differently. In the end, it was my sweet husband who prayed for me and I’m so thankful he did because, at the time, I couldn’t seem to muster much faith for this particular prayer. You know that feeling when you have a prayer request that’s so big and so close to your heart that it almost feels too big for God? It feels funny to even say because of course nothing is too big for God, but at the time, that is just how my heart felt. He took my hand and we prayed that God would provide what was missing, that he would make a way where there was none and that he would strengthen our faith while we waited. Very specifically, we prayed for friends.
You guys, as soon as we prayed, God began to intervene. The first thing he changed was my heart. I could feel him with me in those quiet times and suddenly I didn’t feel lonely anymore. Then, our circumstances began to change. God led us to buy a home in a friendly neighborhood with lots of kids and moms. In a city not well known for its friendliness, it was obvious that God’s hand was in the matter. I also began to meet Christian moms whom I felt I could connect with in random places like playgrounds and at the gym. I had been going to these places for over a year and had never made a single connection! Things start to happen so quickly when Jesus answers prayer, don’t they?
The first summer in our new home, I felt like I could finally breathe. God knew precisely what my heart needed and I knew that I was just where I belonged. I am so incredibly thankful for the momma friends I have now. They’re the ones I call for help, whether I need a jump for a dead car battery or just a friend to talk to. We laugh, we cry, mostly cry, and sometimes we just stare in bewilderment at each other while our kids are acting crazy! And coffee. Lots of coffee.
Not everyone’s story is the same, but if you resonate with mine and you’re struggling to find friendships and community, I would love to pray with you! That longing in your heart? It’s there for a reason, and I believe it’s because God put it there. He knows our hearts, and there’s no pain or loneliness we could ever know that he doesn’t understand intimately. All we have to do is call on Jesus.“And all things whatsoever ye ask in prayer believing, ye shall receive.” Matthew 21:22 I’ll be right here believing with you.
With Love,
Tara
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Beauty For Ruins 